EFL League Two Predictions 20/21 — did i cheat and still feck it up?
I waited until November to predict the EFL tables this season. I thought it would give me a better chance to analyse play and submit a more accurate opinion instead of just basing it on who’s purchased who and who looks ‘hungry’.
So I cheated.
When I didn’t cheat, I posted a score of -152. (Last season, here), awful and shocking. Like, essentially halfway to the worst result possible. So, for me, and for all my valued reader, I have to do better, and though I’ve given myself better odds, that does also mean greater stakes. ‘Cos if I get it wronger now, I’m moving over to Rugby.
Here’s where I had them finishing in November. And here’s what I said about ‘em.
1. Cheltenham Town
2. Salford City
3. Newport County
4. Cambridge United
5. Exeter City
6. Colchester United
7. Port Vale
8. Carlisle United
9. Forest Green Rovers
10. Walsall
11. Crawley Town
12. Morecambe
13. Bolton Wanderers
14. Bradford City
15. Harrogate Town
16. Barrow
17. Grimsby Town
18. Leyton Orient
19. Tranmere Rovers
20. Mansfield Town
21. Oldham Athletic
22. Stevenage
23. Scunthorpe United
24. Southend United
Here’s where they actually finished.
1. Cheltenham Town
2. Cambridge United
3. Bolton Wanderers
4. Morecambe
5. Newport County
6. Forest Green Rovers
7. Tranmere Rovers
8. Salford City
9. Exeter City
10. Carlisle United
11. Leyton Orient
12. Crawley Town
13. Port Vale
14. Stevenage
15. Bradford City
16. Mansfield Town
17. Harrogate Town
18. Oldham Athletic
19. Walsall
20. Colchester United
21. Barrow
22. Scunthorpe United
23. Southend United
24. Grimsby Town
And now let’s calculate a score.
The aim is to get as close to 0 as possible, starting from 0, with any difference in positions coming off my score.
For example, my beginning score is 0, I had Grimsby finishing 17th, they finished 24th, so that’s minus 7 off my score.
I think the worst I can do is like -288 or somet.
So, do cheaters prosper? Let’s have a gander.
BARROW
Predicted: 16th / Actual: 21st
Big changes before the season started is not what they would have wanted, but it’s what they got, and they bluffed by for a bit with the cards they were dealt. But they got on a run where the house was always winning and they needed to change up their approach. Rob Kelly entered the Holker Street Casino and started counting cards (but in a totally legal way) and guided Barrow out of the red with aplomb.
It came with a few scares along the way, but a familiar crew delivered safety, and therefore, a jumping off point for a longer EFL journey.
Score: -5
BOLTON
Predicted: 13th / Actual: 3rd
I said they’d need to gel, so they feckin’ welded themselves together. A robot doesn’t need a heart, and that’s exactly what they were; a machine built to beat other League Two football teams. They went on a great and detailed run pretty much from the moment I wrote the previous article — and while it was touch-and-go for a second there, everyone eventually got into the swing of things and reaped the rewards.
Ian Evatt is quickly becoming fire in the football league, and with a club looking to return to former glories in his charge, he’s gonna be tricky to put out.
Score: -10
BRADFORD
Predicted: 14th / Actual: 15th
I said it’d be an anonymous mid-table finish and it ended up to be one of them exam questions where all your working out is wrong but you still end up with the right answer.
Bradford hit the doldrums for a quick visit, sacked their manager, brought in a fresh pair, and rallied up the table like they were Jesus at The Last Supper and da Vinci had just called ‘places’. They couldn’t keep it rolling all the way, but they’ll know what they’re capable of now and with a bit of gentle handling, who knows what’ll happen next time out…
Stability, hopefully.
Score: -1
CAMBRIDGE
Predicted: 4th / Actual: 2nd
I think I’ve had them to be relegated in like four of the past five seasons. But they clung on. And if this is what they were clinging for, it was worth all the feckin’ clingfilm.
Mark Bonner has swung ’em 180, gathering info in his time there and then wandering in to fix the leak like he knew how to do it all along. It hasn’t been a flawless ascent, but it never is, and though he’ll need to keep tinkering going forward, I don’t think there are many that doubt him right now.
Score: -2
CARLISLE
Predicted: 8th / Actual: 10th
A spell of mid-season postponements curtailed what was a promising push for The Cumbrians. They sat in the automatic promotion places for one game, and then for the next (what seemed like months later), they were outside the play-offs with a bunch of games in hand. They did still have a chance, but momentum is a real thing, and they lost it.
It’ll still be seen as a promising season for the lads, and if they can keep the band together and maybe add a saxophonist, they’ll be jazzing it up next season.
Score: -2
CHELTENHAM
Predicted: 1st / Actual: 1st
Looking back, this was an easy one to predict. They were hard-done by last season when they were looking well on their way to promotion, but this season they’ve made sure it’s in their hands. Only minor rotations in the roster have needed to be addressed and for the most part it was same again for Michael Duff and his lads.
There were moments when you thought it might topple, but in the end, they only had to be consistent as those around them to secure their spot in League One for next season. Some bright youngsters coming through to a settled squad should see them a tough nut to crack as well.
Score: 0
COLCHESTER
Predicted: 6th / Actual: 20th
Just no. From the off there were signs, but the form steered me wrong. Then those chickens came home to roost. No authority, no stamp, no venom, just passive and hopeful play that couldn’t seem to be impacted.
A mild relegation battle is what they looked like they deserved based on their on-pitch play, but they’re capable of more, and with a voice to guide them, they’ll get back on the horse.
Cue the whole club pledging their life to Jesus Christ.
Score: -14
CRAWLEY
Predicted: 11th / Actual: 12th
Strong, yes. Vulnerable, also yes.
There is a distinct lack of fear in this side and an immense sense of confidence, so they charge in any chance they can and they’re experts at bouncing back. For me, these are some of the most important traits in the game, but there comes a point when you need something more baseline. A clear path, a way, a direction — The Romans walked in a straight line to forge their roads, but they didn’t have Forest Green Rovers in their way.
Score: -1
EXETER
Predicted: 5th / Actual: 8th
They just don’t want their fans to relax, do they?
They took it to the final day, but it just never seemed like it was going to happen, even when they slipped into the play-offs for a few moments. A side very strong going forward will have to sort themselves out game-to-game if they’re to mount a serious promotion push next time out.
Score: -3
FOREST GREEN
Predicted: 9th / Actual: 6th
I said Mark Cooper might have to leave for The Vegans to realise their true potential, and when he finally left, I thought it was too late in the day. They just needed to hang on to their play-off spot, and now, with it secured, they just need to ride that new manager (kinda) bounce up the football league.
They’ve kept their power but look a bit more unkempt, like they’ve been let off the lead, and while that’s great for taking them, it can be detrimental in losing them too.
Score: -3
GRIMSBY
Predicted: 17th / Actual: 24th
I stated all those months ago that Ian Holloway would deliver honest, hard-working, and occasionally surprising football to Blundell Park. And while he probably did, it wasn’t in the best way. He didn’t manage to get his groundwork put in, and instead just left a hole for The Mariners to fall down. Now, this wasn’t Ian’s fault, and I ain’t saying that — it became more a comedy of errors, with wrong decision after wrong decision being punished to its greatest extent while on the pitch, they could only do so much. And then, it was too little, too late.
The good news is that next season there is something to hang onto. They’re not in (a tremendous amount) of disarray, and though the National League is one of the trickiest mires, at least their instructions on escaping aren’t in Swedish.
Score: -7
HARROGATE
Predicted: 15th / Actual: 17th
Just what they wanted, I bet. Promotion would have been nice, but a season to steady yourself can always be handy and they’ve done just that, displaying everything from spectacularity to plateued play along the way.
They did what they’re best at, and will likely be well set for next season if the last ten years have taught us anything.
And congratulations to The Sulphurites for becoming the first Football League side to lift the FA Trophy.
Score: -2
LEYTON ORIENT
Predicted: 18th / Actual: 11th
This was a good watch. Like they finally properly got themselves sorted. Then dribs and drabs started to slip away… Then Ross Embleton sadly got the sack, but it kicked them back into gear, and honestly, I wouldn’t mind seeing Jobi McAnuff as a long term installation in the dugout for Orient.
He knows the lads, he’s still in the game, he’s been through everything and a sixpence with ’em in recent times — he’ll know what he’s on about. But is it worth the punt? Upsetting the odds this season might not be enough of a CV. We’ll see.
I said they’d inspire hope for the future, and that future came along sooner thane expected, but they’ll be hoping the future don’t catch up with them any time soon.
Score: -7
MANSFIELD
Predicted: 20th / Actual: 16th
He did what he had to do did Ol’ Nigel, popping in and taking a club without much going for ’em and harnessed what they had. He took the vice to ’em, tighetened ’em up, and then hopped on his skateboard and hit the rails with ’em, ‘cos he knew that they could grind (out results) ’til the cows come home.
He’s had near enough a season aboard now, so this upcoming Summer could make or break The Stags come next time out.
Score: -4
MORECAMBE
Predicted: 12th / Actual: 4th
I said play-offs weren’t out of the question, but reckoned they’d be last in line amongst the contenders for a spot. Little did I realise how much of an expert Derek Adams is in this division. With what was essentially an extended Summer to get to grips with what he had, he set about giving Morecambe a makeover akin to what goes on when Queer Eye comes on. If Jim Bentley was about sustainability, Derek Adams says feck you’re recycling and littered his ethos all over this side.
They might need a bit of defensive work going forward, but if they keep scoring more than their opponent, that won’t really matter. Or maybe they’re just keeping their defensive prowess secret until they need it…
Score: -8
NEWPORT
Predicted: 3rd / Actual: 5th
Not the best outcome, but when all around you are losing their heads, it can be tricky to keep your own. Newport nearly beheaded themselves, but shook themselves out of it and posted a fine-ass finish.
In this bouquet there was vim, there was more than a hint of vigour, hardiness in droves, and just a soupcon of danger… I’ve been watching Frasier a lot recently.
Unfortunately, dessert must be a souflee, ‘cos there’s a longer waiting time. And there’s only one left… What if that table over there gets it? Oh my…
Score: -2
OLDHAM
Predicted: 21st / Actual: 18th
They’ve started to carve out a consistent squad now. But when you recruit one quarter of the footballing world, it becomes easier to make Mount Rushmore. Bahamboula and Keillor-Dunn have started turning up on a more regular basis, and with a class, experienced manager like Keith Curle coming in, it might be less ‘scoring a lot, but always fewer than you’ and more… ‘Win’.
Apologies for the anti-climax.
Hopefully Oldham don’t provide the same next time out.
Sidenote, they finished 18th and were the second highest-scorers, behind Cambridge by one goal. They conceded 81 times. Madness.
Score: -3
PORT VALE
Predicted: 7th / Actual: 13th
Just fell away at the end of the day. It’s that age old dilemma of other teams playing better than you.
They were in the chase, but when other sides kicked into a higher gear, The Valiants realised they were already at top speed. It couldn’t be helped.
They’ll be back and the engine might be different, the tires might be leaner, the… Spoiler(?) might be meaner, but they’ll still have eleven drivers who know that vehicle and its mission.
I don’t know a lot about cars.
Score: -6
SALFORD
Predicted: 2nd / Actual: 8th
Stop-start runs on their way to the top didn’t help them, and then when it came down to it, they were the equivalent of that time Ronaldo put himself last to take a penalty and then didn’t even get a chance to. The stingiest defence in the league have plenty to build on, but will need to continue to recruit as well; maintaining their foundations while putting in the swimming pool.
Score: -6
SCUNTHORPE
Predicted: 23rd / Actual: 22nd
Honestly, everything I said about ’em was pretty right, they just ended up being less inconsistent than two other sides. Which is how I’m gonna phrase it. ‘Cos I cannae say they were good; they were just less shit than Grimsby and Southend.
Right now there ain’t a lot of hope at Glanford Park and they’ll be going into next season as potential whipping boys if they ain’t careful.
Score: -1
SOUTHEND
Predicted: 24th / Actual: 23rd
Mark Molesley settled in as best as he could and probably should have been given the season and then some, as it would have taken the Essex Guardiola to keep Southend up when Phil Brown stepped in.
The point of no return for this club seemed to come some time last season, and if they think the National League is the spot to stop and catch their breath, they’re in for a rude surprise.
A 101-year stay in the football league comes to an end for The Shrimpers, but the heart that they showed to make a game of it, assured that they went with maybe not a bang, but certainly not a whimper.
Score: -1
STEVENAGE
Predicted: 22nd / Actual: 14th
Hey, check out these boys! Showing off a bit now, like. Much like when you are clinically dead and returned to life, Stevenage returned from their grave with a burning fire inside them. If they weren’t always burning bright, they were widespread. They just looked a bit more excited to be there, and Alex Revell has overseen some entertaining football that’s become more comfortable as the season’s gone on.
It could be a turning point, or it could be the week of activity you pursue after a near-death experience only to then feck the effort and go back to a full tube of Pringles and mid-afternoon ITV2 dating shows.
Score: -8
TRANMERE
Predicted: 19th / Actual: 7th
Keith Hill, what have you been up to?
He came in and just seemed to replace everyone with clones who could play football. Just call him a Chemical Brother, because he galvanised them. Safe from relegation was one thing, top half was another, but play-offs was out of this feckin’ world. The way he got them playing compared to how they started the season was night and day and these lot have fully earned their spot in the play-offs, as well as the knowledge that they’ve proved my dumb ass wrong.
Score: -12
WALSALL
Predicted: 10th / Actual: 19th
Mid-season swapsies didn’t help their case, and they might be in need of a soft reset right about now, otherwise they’ll just kinda drift slowly out of the division. And not in the right direction.
They lacked identity game on game until they were an anonymous force, which is a bad place to be, but not a bad spot to pick up from. If Brian Dutton is to stay in, he should have implemented something by now. If someone else comes in, it’ll have to be a Summer of love, and of hard-working home-truths to get The Saddlers back in the saddle.
Score: -9
— —
This one seemed more cut and dry.
The powers at the top continued to mow down opposition, but there were a few, just as there were across the whole of the country, who flourished under new management, giving a new and extended meaning to the term ‘new manager bounce’.
Six will be leaving us, including Bolton after one season, and seeming long-time League-Twoers Cheltenham and Cambridge. Grimsby are back down into non-league after five years, and Southend have ended a 101-year stay in the EFL, but these sides will be replaced and League Two will roar on to another extravagant display next time out.
My final score ended up at…
-117
I’ve seen worse. Better than my half-arsed attempt from last time out, but it could still be so much better. Some of them lot saw this article and then changed their form just to irk me.
MY BIGGEST WINNERS — Cheltenham Town — 0, Southend United, Scunthorpe United, Crawley Town, Bradford City — -1
MY BIGGEST LOSERS — Colchester United — -14, Tranmere Rovers — -12, Bolton Wanderers — -10
Maybe next time, eh? I’ll see you there. I’ll be the one screaming at the Carlisle-Barrow game.
Keep it streets ahead,
C.L.R.
