Sex and Guns and Judi Dench — Licence To Kill— A Reactionary Transcript #22

In the hunt for the finest of the Bond pictures, I must take notes during my viewing. Here are my notes for the twenty-second of these case studies; Licence To Kill.

The results will be posted heeeeeeere.

Licence To Kill spoilers ahead.

— — — — — — —

roar
i mean
ROAR

weird noises over the barrel sequence
then normal music as Tim shoots us

Plane with a plate on its back does some flying
they’ve tracked another plane they reckon has some drugs

Felix’s wedding car gets pulled over by the coast guard
Felix and Bond gotta go get this drug dealer now
Their mate Sharky’s left to explain to Felix’s wife-to-be

This drug dealer is Franz Sanchez and he’s about cos his missus was cheating on him, so he goes to whip her and cut out the heart of the guy she was cheating with

Sharky tells Felix’s wife-to-be Della to go around the block a few times so Felix has time to catch Franz

YOU’RE GETTING WED, FELIX

Franz now has to sneak off the island

Gunfight on an airfield between the good guys and the bad guys
no Sanchez though cos he’s hopped out elsewhere

The bad guys scarper, leaving Sanchez’s missus
Bond tries to help her, but she’s all ‘feck off’

Sanchez has nicked a plane
Bond and co are off after him in a chopper
a chopper with a winch
Felix lowers Bond down onto Sanchez’s plane
They hook the plane right above the church where all the wedding guests are gathered, so Felix and Bond parachute down

I wanna parachute into my wedding

OPENING CREDITS

Alright we’re back and Sanchez is in trouble, says he’s facing 936 years in prison
he bribes ’em 2 million quid as a standing offer for anyone who lets him out
the lawyer seems adamant that Sanchez is going down

WEDDING
Bond makes out with the bride
Then he goes to get Felix, who’s giving someone called Pam a report or somet

Felix tells us about Sanchez, how he’s got everybody in his pocket
he’s essentially a Pablo Escobar type and I’m all here for it

The lawyer from before walks in, his name is Ed Killifer
Bond doesn’t like him that much
He says he was only there to kiss the bride
Why is everyone kissing Felix’s missus?

Sharky gives Felix his wedding present as he and Della are cutting the cake
pick your moment, Sharky
and it’s fishing lures
know your audience, Sharky

Sanchez smiles for the cameras as he gets transported to jail

A man in a suit is stood in a pool popping champagne
back at the wedding this is
Felix and Della gifts Bond a lighter with a massive flame

Back with Sanchez
Killifer’s in the front seat and he knocks out the driver, then sends the prison van plummeting into the water
the guards escape, but there are divers to help out Sanchez and Killifer
they escape
It’s only been ten minutes and you’ve already double crossed your mate on his wedding day

Bond leaves the wedding
Della tells him he should get married next
Bond remembers when he got married…
Feckin still breaks my heart that one

Felix and Della get their wedding night started
goons in their room though
that’s a boner killer
Benicio del Toro knocks Felix out
that’ll bring the boner back

Sanchez is waiting in a marina, but won’t leave til Benicio del Toro comes back
del Toro’s name is Dario in this
Sanchez says that loyalty is more important than money and promises to give Killifer what he is owed
the marina guy is Milton Krest and is in it with Sanchez
Krest will look after Sanchez’s missus, Lupe
Killifer gets his suitcase of money and Sanchez gives him an escape plan

Felix is bound and brought to Sanchez
it’s implied that Dario killed Della
Dario then opens a trapdoor
sharks innit
they feed Felix to the sharks
but not to kill him
just to ruin him
Killifer watches and Felix knows he’s been betrayed

Bond’s at the airport!
He discovers that Sanchez has escaped just as he’s offered a smoking or non-smoking flight — insane that that was normal so recently

Bond speeds off back to Felix’s

uh-oh

the door’s open

Bond pulls his piece

his gun, that is

Della’s dead

Felix’s office has been raided
and Felix is there in a bodybad, mutilated, with a note that reads ‘he disagreed with something that ate him’
Bond gets an ambulance there

Coppers reckon it’s a chainsaw
Sharky knows a shark
Bond gets told to let it go cos Franz is out of their jurisdiction now

Bond and Sharky get to business themselves
they search marine biology centres that keep sharks, and they come across Milton Krest’s spot
Krest says that just engineer fish special fish now
there’s lots of sealife about though
Amongst the debris, Bond spies one of them wedding flowers that goes on your lapel, whatever that’s called
he knows this is the spot
also sees a mini-sub called The Shark Hunter — bit of a giveaway that they do stuff with sharks

so Bond and Sharky return under cover of darkness
Killifer is three hours from escape, still hiding out at the marina
a shark tries to get at James for a wee jumpscare

Bond’s in though
he opens a drawer full of maggots and sticks his hands in
lots of cocaine in there
he gets caught
so Bond throws maggots at the guy then chucks him into the maggot drawer and shuts it
more guards shoot him now, but they miss him and shoot some fish tanks instead — poor fish

a lobster does a nice drop
DO THE LOBSTER DROP

Bond grabs a big hook while the guard is on an overhead walkway looking for him
Bond hooks his belt from beneath and pulls him into a tank of electric eels
nice

Killifer comes out with a gun
tells Bond to move over the trapdoor
as he just tells Bond to jump in to the shark pit, Sharky opens a trapdoor that Killifer is stood on, knocking him off balance and allowing Bond to dangle him over the shark pit
he’s hanging on to a rope and tries to bribe his way up
Bond tells Killifer he earned it and throws it at him, sending him crashing into the shark pit with his dolla
nice

NEXT DAY

Bond and Sharky learn of the boat Sanchez escaped on, the WaveKrest, and that it’s owned my Milton Krest — shocker
it’s working under the guise of a marine research vessel

Bond goes to get supplies
but is accosted by this DEA fella who keeps rockin up
he knows that Bond’s gone into business for himself and pulls him up, getting him in front of high command
that being M
he says that Bond was to be on another mission and that the Americans should clean it up
Bond is doing this for Leiter and MI6 don’t like that
007 resigns
his licence to kill is revoked
as he’s about to hand over his gun, he legs it
M looks worried

Aboard the WaveKrest
Krest is trying to spy on Lupe in her room
Then he barges in to see her
the boat picks something up on it’s signal thingy
Krest feels he’s owed something for his spot getting raided
Krest’s being a letch

He gets shown what the signal was picking up
a manta ray
but no
A MANTA RAY COSTUME
genius from Bond

they bring the wee sub back in
Bond’s hanging onto it
then he pops up and knocks a guy out
he’s infiltrated the boat
this is like a video game

he locks the knocked out guy in a decompression chamber with loads of money in it
Bond makes his way through the boat
goons find the knocked out guy
Bond gets to Krest’s room, where Lupe is staying
holds a knife to her
she doesn’t know where Sanchez is
Krest knocks at the door
wants to know if she’s seen anyone
Bond sees where Lupe has been whipped

A small fishing boat pulls up alongside
a few dead sharks on it
and one dead Sharky
NOOOO
Bond’s mad again
i liked Sharky

Lupe bemoans this eye for an eye way of life
Bond is determined
it was a guy named Clive that killed Sharky
Bond gets a harpoon and murders Clive, compliments of Sharky
Krest sees Bond and takes a few shots
Bond nicks Clive’s oxygen tank and swims for it
Krest has sent out divers though

They’re trying to move all that money at the same time, shipping it onto one of them planes that can land on the water
Bond makes a beeline for the little sub that was carrying all the money to said plane
opens it up to reveal all the cocaine
Bond stabs the cocaine open
them fish gonna have a good time
They surface the sub and Bond so they know where he is

Bond narrowly avoids getting harpooned
but now it’s like five on one
his oxygen line gets cut and his mask and tank are pulled off
so he grabs a harpoon, fires it at the plane and then jet skis behind it
lovely
he hods onto it and gets lifted up
quick way to dry your hair that
the plane tries to tip him off
no dice
Bond sneaks in a back door, pushes one guy out
then bashes the other guy with a block of money, so there’s cash flying about everywhere now
Bond knocks the pilot out and we’re gaan doon
but he obvs saves it and give the WaveKrest a flyover for good measure
he’s got a bit of money on him now, does Jimmy

Later, Bond sneaks into Felix’s spot
into his office
behind a picture of Della is a gold disc
on it — a list of Sanchez informants, the same one Sanchez has
the only one left alive is a P.Bouvier
with a next meeting scheduled at a dive bar on another marina

got a bit of exotic dancing gaan on at the Barrelhead Bar
a nice smokey room
Bond and Bouvier meet
she knew somet was wrong
Dario wanders in — he used to be with the contras
Bond’s got his walther, Pam’s got a feckin shotgun
Dario takes a seat
Dario’s mate won’t take his eyes off Bond
Pam points her piece at Dario’s pennis
Bond knocks out the guy who keeps staring at him with the excuse of him having had enough to drink

WE’RE OFF

Dario dodges a shotgun blast and it knocks down a swordfish hanging from the ceiling, which sparks all out chaos
Bond gets a right hook in on Dario who keeps theatrically pulling his knife
folk going through furniture, the dancers keep dancing
Pam takes out Dario
Bond has to deal with a man attacking him with a swordfish, Pam bottles him
Bond saves the dancer
Pam blows a hole in the wall
Bond starts the boat
Pam’s out after him
as she legs it, Dario shoots her in the back
some goons hit the gas tank
Pam was wearing a bit of kevlar
now Pam and Bond now argue about who saved the other’s life
they’re outta gas
Bond asks Pam for a flight
she was an army pilot who now does charter flights for the good guys
now these two macho nachos are gonna get it on
that’s where adrenaline’ll get ya
Pam’s all over him
Bond’s like ‘why don’t you wait until you’re asked?’
Pam’s like ‘well why don’t you ask me?’

M tells Moneypenny off for some spelling errors
cos she’s distracted by Bond’s absence
M’s sent a man out to Isthmus City, where Sanchez has his base

Bond and Bouvier check into a hotel under codenames
Bond calls South and Central America sexist
tells Bouvier to go and dress the part if she’s gonna stay

Bond’s off to the bank!
Depositing his moolah

Sanchez and a guy whose actual name is Truman Lodge are giving some guys a tour of the bank
Pam’s had a rad haircut as she lets herself in

Now we got a broadcast of a Professor Joe Butcher, who’s appealing for some money on a telethon
for some kind of church
Franz is watching with his iguana
Lupe and Truman Lodge are there as well
Lupe don’t like the iguana

Bond is in a casino
wow what a surprise
Bond and Pam take a private table

So this Proffesor Joe Butcher fella is a front for Sanchez and his drug shit in some way or another
Right okay, so they’re not actually raising money, it’s so they can use code to say how much their drugs are going for, and then other dealers or what have you have their messages read out with how much they want — for example Professor Butcher will say that their fundraising target is $22,000 dollars, but that’s how much a kilo is being sold for
The Manhattan ‘Chapel’ will then pledge $500, but that’s just code for how many kilos they want
got it?
good

Casino again
Bond’s having an off night
or is he dropping a load of money on purpose…
He’s got Franz’s attention cos he wants to raise the limit
then Bond wins
what Bond wanted
Sanchez sends Lupe down to distract him as the new dealer
they recognise each other
Bond sends Pam off for a drink
she makes sure Bond loses

Sanchez is planning a big party for ‘some orientals’
Bond wants an audience with Sanchez
Pam necks the vodka martini Bond asked for

Bond checks out the view in Sanchez’s office
Bond calls himself a problem eliminator
then says he’s looking for work
Sanchez says you need special talent
Bond looks at his goons and says that that shouldn’t be too difficult
his tough goons look angry, and Truman Lodge looks like he’s gonna cry
Sanchez ain’t taking the bait though
not yet
tells his goons to check him out
Bond needs a way to get past some armoured glass

Bond and Pam get back to their hotel and get told that Bond’s uncle has arrived
they proceed with caution
Pam hands Bond a gun
then she pulls another one of her own
she’s got ’em everywhere
Bond barges the stranger down
IT’S Q

how you do, Q?

what you got
an explosive alarm clock — guaranteed to never wake up anybody who uses it
explosive toothpaste — to be used sparingly
THE CAMERA
from the credits
it shoots bullets
it’s got one of those palm readers, so now only Bond can use it
another camera, but it shoots a laser
and takes a picture
that’s handy

Pam takes the master bedroom
Bond and Q are in twin beds

In a meeting with Sanchez and his ‘orientals’ now
He introduces Truman Lodge and his head of security Colonel Heller
strong name
Q is acting as chauffeur, Bond and Pam in the casino again
Every opportunity Bond gets, he tells Pam to go home
ACCEPT THE HELP, MAN

Bond poses as a waiter to get backstage
climbs up out of the lift and onto the roof
he had climbing ropes hidden inside his cummerbund
he scales the casino, groping a statue on his way down
he’s at the window where Sanchez is proving himself to be a great public speaker

Bond puts a load of explosive toothpaste at the base of the window
Truman Lodge is giving all the guys in the meeting a territory to work their drug trade for a shite tonne of money
Bond leaves the casino
he gets followed

one of the folk in Franz’s meeting wants to see some proof of their burgeoning trade
the epicentre — the main distribution centre
Q drives Bond to the sniper’s point
then Bond tells him to go home
Q’s not having it

Franz and friends are having a party now
but Franz takes a sidebar with Lodge and Heller
Bond has his chance
President Lopez walks into Franz’s office
okay
Franz isn’t paying him enough

As Bond continues to spy, he sees Heller meet with Pam
HUH
Bond goes back to Franz
blows the window
has a shot
a ninja dives on Bond as Heller protects Sanchez
ninja can’t get Bond’s gun to work
NOW THERE’S TWO NINJAS
what just happened
Bond gets knocked out

He’s taken to some backwoods torture den
it’s one of the ‘orientals’, the two ninjas, and some definitely evil-looking British dude
they deduce that because he had a palm-encoder gun thing, he must be working for MI6
The British guy is there to take Bond back
the ‘oriental’ is from Hong Kong, working for MI6, and he’s been setting up a meeting with Sanchez for years, so he’s pissed
there’s a whole army outside now though
blowing holes in shit
one of the ninjas is dead
the British dude ain’t looking too hot
the Hong Kong man ain’t either
the other ninja takes a gun and takes the fight too them, but Heller guns her down
Sanchez is there as well
the Hong Kong man takes a cyanide to finish himself off
Heller and Sanchez find Bond
they take him…

To Sanchez’s lovely villa
a bit too white
with a lot of weird ornaments
but lovely

so because Bond was taken by the Hong Kong man, who Sanchez didn’t like, he assumes Bond is now definitely on his side
Lupe tells Bond that the WaveKrest is coming in tonight
Then Franz sends her away

whoa
hold up
Bond had a line ‘things were just about to turn nasty’
but he says ‘nasty’ in like, a really Northern way for some reason
why?
okay, whatever
on we go

Bond tries to cast distrust on the rest of Franz’s crew, telling him that someone on the inside must have tipped off Franz’s assassination attempter and Bond’s captors
someone, Bond says, who is arriving in Isthmus tonight with a lot of cash

So Sanchez pisses off getting ready to meet Krest
Lupe jets off on a speedboat after distracting the guards, Bond’s hiding on the side to get back to his hotel
he immediately threatens Pam for meeting Heller
She says that Sanchez is buying stinger missiles from the contras
the letter that Felix gave Pam at his wedding was a document stating that Heller would get immunity if he could get the stingers back
and Heller took the deal
but then Bond missed Sanchez and Heller panicked, saying that the deal was off

Bond needs Q and Pam’s help again — so they’re more than happy to stay

NIGHT TIME
the harbour
Bond has withdrawn all his money from the bank as well…
Pam is posing as a harbour pilot
Q as a boat driver
Bond as a man in a wetsuit

Sanchez and Lupe arrive to welcome the WaveKrest in as Pam crashes it into the harbour
she then heads below decks and opens up the floor bit so Bond can swim in from underneath
Bond then pulls a load of cash from underneath and they fill up the decompression chamber with it

Krest explains to Sanchez what happened to all the money that Bond forced them to lose, but Franz ain’t buying it
Lupe is there to make sure he don’t lie
Sanchez’s goons then go below and see all the money Bond has planted
they go up and tell Franz who goes down to check it out and sees all the money
Krest ain’t sure what’s gaan on
but Franz reckons he’s behind it all
so he throws Krest in with it
this freaked me out when I was a kid
and it still does
he turns the pressure up in the chamber
and then stops it suddenly
Krest’s head explodes
ming, like

Bond heads off on a boat without Pam and Q as he’s told them to go home

Franz goes home and then goes to check on Bond, who has made his way back into bed
Franz gives him a load of money for being right with his information
but Bond says there must be more
Sanchez says he’s gonna take him somewhere that’s a surprise then leaves
Lupe comes to see Bond
He promises her a way out
but she just wants to kiss him
oh no
they bone

Lupe goes to see Q and Pam
warns them about Sanchez potentially cottoning on to who Bond really is
Lupe says she loves Bond so much
calm down mate
Pam calls bullshit

NEXT DAY
in what is the funniest moment of the film, Q poses as someone sweeping the streets who then turns his brush into a radio to contact Pam to tell her that Bond and Sanchez are making a move
then, his job done, he throws his high-tech brush into the bushes and I’m pretty sure that’s his final involvement in the mission

Pam commandeers a plane

Sanchez gets his stingers

Dario and Heller join him

We head to the Olympatec Meditation Institute, their cover for making druggery
Truman Lodge is giving the ‘orientals’ a tour

Sanchez rocks up while Bond is on the tour
Dario thinks he recognises him
oh no

Pam gets in under the guise of a big donation to Professor Joe
she meets him and he takes her to his chambers
Pam pretends to be in awe of him
then pulls a gun
she gets the keys off him
then leaves
bless your heart

in the lab, Dario keeps side-eyeing James, who won’t take his mask off
they melt their coke in the gasoline
then they seperate it with science
they’ve loaded four tankers with it

Dario points his gun at Bond
Sanchez sees

Bond uses a momentary distraction to headbutt Dario and set the lab on fire
But Dario and some goons take Bond hostage
Sanchez wants him to talk
but instead, he starts up a conveyor belt that leads into a smusher
Truman Lodge gets the tankers out of there
Sanchez is happy to let the lab burn but Truman Lodge wants to try and save it
Sanchez tells him to feck off with the money and he puts Bond on the conveyor
Pam sees the troubles and runs towards it

Bond is trying to find the right words to shock Sanchez into stopping
so he mentions the stingers
he namedrops Heller in reference to them
Sanchez leaves Dario to see Bond over the edge and into the smusher
Pam sneaks in with Bond on the edge
Dario spies her — ‘you’re dead’
Pam shoots him
Bond grabs his foot, pulls him into the smusher

Heller is messing with the stingers
Sanchez is suspicious
so he pierces Heller on a forklift and sends him through a wall
and while grizzly, it does provide a way out for Pam and Bond

we’re away

Truman Lodge is on the run
Sanchez intercepts him and the briefcase full of money

Pam commandeers a golf caddy
on their way out, they drive past Professor Joe and the bag full of money, so Pam takes it back
then they get to Pam’s plane and they’re off after Sanchez and the tankers

Bond drops off on one of the tankers
Sanchez tries to shoot him down
Bond fights off the machete wielding driver with a fire extinguisher to take control of the tanker

Sanchez commands another tanker not to let Bond pass, so they block the whole road
SOMETHING COMING THE OTHER WAY
A PINEAPPLE TRUCK
good driving saves the day

Sanchez loads up a stinger for his men

Bond crashes the other tanker by ramming it
but then gets his tanker lined up by a bazooka
so he does a rad trick that gets his tanker driving on a tilt to avoid the stinger, and it goes right through to hit the crashed one

but then they pop Bond’s tires as he goes past
so Pam dusts them from her plane to give Bond some time
at the top of a hill, Bond releases his tanker and sends it rolling down the hillside into another tanker, blowing them both up
Truman Lodge does not like seeing money go down the drain and he takes his frustrations out on Sanchez
So Sanchez reckons it’s time to start cutting overhead and shoots Truman, taking his briefcase

Franz and his driver run off to get into the last tanker
Bond drives off with goons back in pursuit

the tanker drivers all help each other, that’s nice

Bond coms to the fiery wreck in the road and with goons behind him, he can’t go over it, he can’t go under it, he’ll have to do a wheely through it
the goons try to follow, but their tires catch fire

Bond gets right up Sanchez’s arse and hops onto his tanker
with fire-tired goons right behind him, Bond turns the spigot, releasing gasoline onto the fire-tires
now they’re a fireball, they drive off the cliff

Pam tries to follow Sanchez, avoiding the flaming car
Franz stingers a hole in her wing, sending her down, but she lands safely, no more help for Bond though

He commands a sudden break, sending Bond flying forward and Franz gets out to machete him, but misses and cuts the brake line, meaning the tanker takes off again
Franz hops on the back
Bond kicks him in the face

They brawl on the tanker
but the driver bails out cos there’s no brakes

AND THEY GO OVER THE EDGE

gasoline still pouring
Sanchez lies bloody on the ground as Bond crawls away
but no

SANCHEZ is there and he’s got a big ol’ knife

he’s about to do Bond in until Bond asks ‘don’t you want to know why?’
he pulls out a lighter
the inscription — ‘James, love always, Della and Felix’
and then he lights it

sodden in gasoline, Franz goes up like he’s audtioning to be the mascot for that music festival in the Nevada Desert
and he takes the last tanker with him

Bond sits for a moment
vengeance

Pam picks him up

PARTY TIME
Bond calls Felix, who’s doing a bit better
Lupe is mates with the iguana now cos it wears diamonds
she and Bond wander off
Pam and Q have some champers
Lupe pulls Bond in for a big snog
Pam runs off downstairs to the pool
Bond excuses himself
says Lupe looks lovely with the president
then Bond hops over the balcony into the pool below where Pam is
he pulls her in

Q necks two glasses of wine from above

She says ‘why don’t you wait until you’re asked?’
he says ‘why don’t you ask me?’

blinking fish light ends the thing
as is tradition

IMMEDIATE REASONS THIS WAS AWESOME
it didn’t feel traditional, but still felt Bond-y
more Q is always good
the threat really felt insurmountable
that whole last sequence from when they get to the drug lab

that’s just immediate

and that’s all she wrote

FIN

— — — — — — —

Keep it streets ahead,

C.L.R.

Freshly squeezed football content. Mostly.