Sex and Guns and Judi Dench — Quantum of Solace — A Reactionary Transcript #12

In the hunt for the finest of the Bond pictures, I must take notes during my viewing. Here are my notes for the twelfth of these case studies; Quantum of Solace.

The results will be posted heeeeeeere.

Quantum of Solace spoilers ahead.

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Roar

Big rock, nice car

Bullets and bridge

Rev race

Bullets

Bond’s getting battered here and we’re only a minute in

Lots of traffic to navigate

Cops are in on the race now

I can almost tell what’s happening

Tonne of camera cuts

But Bond shoots some folk off a cliff and now he’s in Siena, Italy driving through some underground tunnel

Oh, he’s got Mr. White in his boot

OPENING CREDS

Right back to Mr. White and Bond

M’S ABOOT

And Mitchell

Who’s Mitchell

Vesper’s boyf is dead

No he’s not

Bond nicks a photo

Some jockeyish italian carnival is gaan on

But let’s interrogate Mr. White

White takes the piss out of MI6, telling them that his organisation have people everywhere

Then Mitchell turns out to be a bad guy, shooting a rando good guy

I knew I didn’t like him

Mr. White takes a bullet in the fracas and M gets away

And this horse race is gaan on

Mitchell is out threw the sewers

Bond’s in pursuit, barging through some walls

Now Bond is chasing Mitchell through the crowds

Mitchell is just shooting at randos

Up a big tower now

Mitchell makes some old woman drop her shopping, bastard

Running over the slippy rooftops now

Bond’s running over balconies

Drops on a bus to catch up

And somehow does

Top of a bell tower

Two fall off crashing through a glass roof onto some scaffolding

Bond avoids some falling glass

Now they’re just swinging on ropes while kicking each other

Bond’s dropped his gun

Now he’s dropped

But the rope catches his foot

Ooo, that was nice

While dangling, he grabs his gun and shoots up no-look style

Mitchell dead, prick

But Mr. White’s gone

Now in some rainy place

Probably London

Bond’s with M again as they’re going through Mitchell’s flat

M can’t believe it like, she’s pissed

And coming out with some bangers

But Mitchell had some evil bills that Le Chiffre was dealing with, and we can trace them to…

HAITI

Bond breaks into the baddies’ hotel room

His name is Edmund Slate

Slate tries Bond with a knife and Bond throws him through a glass door

Twice

And kills him

Good stuff

Off ya pop, Bond

Bond gets his hands on a briefcase that was being held for Slate at the hotel

Bond gets picked up by some lass

Bit of painful dialogue and now they get chased by a motorbike

With a man on it, not a sentient bike

They get away slightly and it turns out the briefcase was to take out a hit on the girl who picked up Bond

She tries to shoot him, pushes him out the car and gets away

Bond then knocks out the motorbike man and nicks his ride, following the lass

She gets to the docks and meets a funky Swiss guy

And then another funky French guy

French lad is Dominic

They slept together and she was trying to help him by going undercover and some shit so he tried to have her killed

Dominic had some guy killed that he thought was betraying him with this lass

But it’s not him

Maybe, I’ve lost it a bit

Now General Medrano enters the fray

Bond gives a guy his card so he can track a number

Funky Swiss guy has a go at the guard who took it

Medrano and Dominic hash things out bad guy style

Medrano wants Dom to destabilise the Bolivian government so Medrano can take over and in return, Dom wants a piece of desert

HER NAME IS CAMILLE MONTES

Dom ‘gives’ Camille to the general and off they pop on a boat

Bond bikes over some boats and then runs over some more to catch up with the speedboat

He pursues on boat now

But crashes into it immediately

Bond stops Montes from shooting the general and then escapes with her

They start fighting and arguing while being shot at

They blow up some boats

Camille gets knocked out after being hit by a boat, but Bond gets ’em away

Bond nicks a car and calls work

Asks about Dominic Greene

He’s an environmentalist

They call the Americans and we see lovely Felix, but we talk to a Gregory Beam who says that Greene is not a person of interest

M reckons he is though

Greene’s flying to Austria

Bond’s gonna follow

Greene gets on the same flight as Beam and Felix

Beam is there to make a deal for oil

Greene shows Beam and Felix a picture of Bond saying that he wants him eliminated, but Felix says he don’t know him

Beam does recognise him, gets a bit suspicious of ol’ Felix

Weird screen text for AUSTRIA

Beam patronises Felix

BOAT PARTY

Leading to an…

ART GALLERY

Or maybe a FASHION SHOW

Could be a BALLET

Greene makes a massive handshake

Bond nicks a tux

Bond notices two different kinds of gift bag

It’s OPERA

Tosca

They’re a special earpiece in the special bag

Greene’s Swiss mate is shifty

All the folks with the earpieces are having a convo during the opera

And Paul Ritter, excellent

Bond interferes in the convo and sends ’em all scrambling

Takes a load of their pictures

Mr. White is there, but stays seated

Tosca is probs a reflection of this story or somet

Greene and Bond see each other and now Bond’s gunning it out with his guards

Bond drops a guy on Greene’s car, Greene’s assassin shoots him

The folks at the evil meeting are important folk

M tells Bond to come home, but obvs he doesn’t

M cancels his card

Bond fecks off to…

ITALY again

Some old house

It’s Rene! The man Bond had tased in Casino Royale

He is a bit miffed about that but gets over it

One of the Prime Minister’s closest advisors was at the evil opera meeting

Bond tells Rene to join him on his mish

Nice bit of touchy-feely from Bond and Rene there

Bond is intercepted by Fields in La Paz

Fields tells Bond to turn around but Bond just gets all kinky with her

Bond just bosses her around and gets a nicer hotel

Bond flirts and it works

Hours later

Bond is invited to a party

Rene is having drinks with the colonel

Bond and Fields head off to said party, hosted by Dominic Greene

Rene introduces The Colonel to Bond and Fields

CAMILLE ROCKS UP

Happy to see her

She tries to feck up Dom’s night

FELIX is ABOOT

What a lovely cast

Bond saves Montes from Greene

Fields trips Greene’s weird Swiss friend down the stairs

Oh, Beam’s there as well

Bond takes Camille away so she can show him the Tierra Project (the whole oil business thingy)

Bond is pulled over by coppers

Mathis is beaten and bloodied in the boot

The cops shoot him

Bond shoots the cops

Mathis tells Bond to forgive himself

And dies in Bond’s arms

Quite sad actually

Is Rory Kinnear filming in lockdown? He’s always on Skype

He gets the news that Bond might have shot Mathis

Camille and Bond head into the desert

Get a plane

And they’re away

Camille is Bolivian Secret Service

She is the South American/Russian/Female Bond

They getting shot at noo

Chased by a smaller plane and having a hard time of it

Bond sends him into a cliffside though

Now they’re too low

Only one parachute

AND A HELICOPTER WITH A GUN

They hop out with one parachute and…

Just

Just deploy it

M has it out with some minister bloke

He says that Greene and the UK government are aligned now

Tells M to pull Bond out cos he might be a baddie now

Bond and Camille sit at the bottom of a cave crater place

Yes, The General killed Camille’s parents, forgot to mention

That’s why Camille wants to kill Medrano

Camille wants to kill somebody who killed her father

Bond wants to kill somebody who tried to kill his ‘mother’

She’s got like all her own stories, it’s great

Need to find a way out now

Greene don’t want oil, he wants water

They get back out in the desert and walk, lookin real slick

Villagers argue over water shortage

They get to the road just in time for the one bus that comes through that town each year

Bond and Camille get back to his fancy hotel

Fields has left a note for him at the desk

Run

Bond goes up to the room instead

Leaving Camille downstairs

M’s there

They let Camille go

M has a word with Bond

Fields has been suffocated with oil, covered in it

M suspends Bond

Fights ’em off in the lift of course

There’s a capture or kill order out on Bond

Bond wants Fields’ bravery mentioned

M trusts Bond

Camille picks up Bond again

Bond calls Felix

Felix sneaks away from Beam to meet Bond

Felix don’t like what the CIA are doing but there’s no way out for him

Bond’s got thirty seconds

Felix gives him directions and instructions

And then Bond fucks off while getting shot at

Back into the desert then

General Medrano is at this hotel with the colonel who said he was Mathis’ friend

Now The Colonel is horrible

Bond gives Camille a pep talk before their assault

Greene arrives at the desert hotel

Greene eats an apple cos he’s a dick

Greene gives the colonel his money

The General gives Greene his land

But he won’t sign over the water or somet

Camille is on the roof

The General signs

Then gets to his room

Camille follows him

The General tries to rape the staff

Bond stops The Colonel from leaving and avenges Mathis, taking out his goons as well

Blows up a bit of the hotel there

One of Greene’s goons goes down

Camille kills The General’s security, shoving one off the balcony

Greene and his weird Swiss mate try to escape

More boom as Greene escapes but Swiss Funk gets gone

Bond drops through the glass roof and is beaten by Greene, who then grabs an axe as the hotel goes up behind them

Camille and The General have a good scrap

She stabs the general

Greene gets axed in between the toes in one of the worst injuries I’ve ever seen in a Bond film

Then Bond hangs him off a ledge by the hair

Saves him though

Camille gets The General right between the eyes

And is now trapped in a burning room

Bond bursts in, shields her, but

Not much he can do here

She doesn’t wanna burn

Asks Bond to shoot her

GAS PIPE

WAY OUT

Greene is staggering into the desert somehow

Where’s he off to?

Bond picks him up

Drives him to the middle of the desert

Bond has his answers

Leaves him with some motor oil as a refreshment

Camille and Bond head back to some spot

‘I don’t think the dead care about vengeance’

No romance in that kiss

KAZAN

It’s Vesper’s boyf

Bond tells him to sit down

Vesper’s boyf’s new girlf is Canadian Intelligence

Her name is Corrine

She fecks off

Bond keeps him alive and MI6 take him in

Greene was found in the middle of the desert with a stomach full of motor oil and two bullets in the back of his skull

Leiter took Beam’s job

All seems well

Bond discards Vesper’s necklace

Barrel sequence

FIN

My toes still feel funny from the axe bit

FIN

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Keep it streets ahead,

C.L.R.