Sex and Guns and Judi Dench — The World Is Not Enough— A Reactionary Transcript #2

In the hunt for the finest of the Bond pictures, I must take notes during my viewing. Here are my notes for the first of these case studies; The World Is Not Enough.

The results will be posted heeeeeere.

The World Is Not Enough spoilers ahead.

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The lion roars and we’re off

The tracing gun bit’s a bit more techno-y

Pierce has got specs on, he’s in disguise, IN BILBAO

In disguise as a swiss banker, but still using the name Bond

Woman offers him a cigar, wants the woman

‘Would you like to check my figures’ says the woman, Bond ain’t gonna leave that alone

MI6 agent is dead, Bond wants answers

Threatens the dude

The glasses set off an exploding GUN, he shoots everyone

So punny I can’t keep up, here we go:

1. When he threatened the dude, he was all like ‘but yer a banker, you must have miscalculated your chances’
2. Asks him to count to three ‘you can do that, right?’ before he shoots him, more maths stuff

That was all I could get, they’re so thick and fast

Before he can give him info, there’s a knife in the back of his neck, though he was asking for protection, here are the coppers

Another goon threatens Bond, but down he goes with a sniper, whaaa?

Bond uses a corpse as a makeweight to scale out a window as the policia struggle to get through a very sturdy door

Wait, the corpse is alive, not as horrible

The policia look like conquistadors

Oh thats it he’s back in London at MI6 with the cash

HEY MONEYPENNY

She wants a souvenir

Holy hell, he gives her this phallic shaped thing and she’s all like ‘I know where to put that’ all sensually, then she chucks it in’t bin

M can hear you, ya perv

M intros Sir Robert King, whose money it is

Old friend of M from Oxford

No leads on sniper but he reckons it was the lass he was perving on

Terrorists are attacking oil pipelines

THE ICE IS FIZZY, RUN

So Bond is running through, Q shakes his head

THE MONEY EXPLODED, that King fella is deed

A boat with a sniper on it, she shoots at Bond through the hole that’s been blown in the bulding

THE SPEEDBOAT AIN’T FINISHED JAMES, BUT HE’S AWAY

CHASECHASECHASE

It’s the thames, i’ve been there

Oh, she’s trying to run him off the thames, he gets wet

Detour and she’s away down Java Wharf

She’s stopped to gun him

He speedboats into the gun, wrecks JUST the gun and then spins away again

GRENADE LAUNCHER IS IN PLAY

Blows up innocent boat with it

The bridge is coming down

The bridge is coming down

THE BRIDGE IS COMING DOWN

She makes it

BOND NO

Oh, he goes underwater for a sec, adjusts his tie and all is good, he makes it too

Darn, explosions stop him from following, but google maps helps out

Soaks a couple of parking attendants for no good reason

Then destroys a lifeguard hut and begins to drive a speedboat through the Spitalfields market and a cafe

He’s at the O2 and on a COLLIOSION COURSE

He’s got torpedoes

She beelines to (another) hot air balloon, and blows up her boat

Bond merks his boat to grab a balloon rope

Bond tries to make a deal as she relaises she’s stuck in a basket

‘I CAN PROTECT YOU!’ ‘NOT FROM HIM’ she blows up the baloon and Bond rolls down the 02

TITLE SEQUENCE

Bagpipe funeral

King’s daughter is there, must be important, the camera lingered

Her name is Elektra King

Money was dipped in bomb stuff and then magnesium and radio transmitter pin blew him up

It could be anyone, good work MI6

M hypes em up

Bond don’t get a case file cos he off active duty with a knackered arm, sorry dislocated collarbone

Bond flirts with the doctor to try and get a clean bill of health

This can’t be working

LET’S SKIRT THE ISSUE HE SAYS AS HE REMOVES HER SKIRT

Clothes are off, this has escalated

The piper is still piping inside the MI6 HQ

I see it was a Q gadget, BAGPIPE MACHINE GUN FLAMETHROWER

‘We gotta pay the piper sometime’

The speedboat was Q’s fishing boat, so he’s pissed it’s knackered

Q’s new assistant is here, looks a goof

He’s probably R says Bond

He’s got a flash new car with loads of stuff, including beverage holders

There’s a jacket and it makes a big ball around you, I dunno keeps ya warm maybe

Q says never let them see you bleed and always have an escape plan before disappearing into the floor

Elektra was kidnapped once, but she escaped

Bond is either in love or highly suspicious

He don’t like the number 5 mil

Needs clearance to dig any deeper

Bond and M are having it out over the file, over her mates death

M helped RObert save Elektra from her kidnapping

M told him not to pay the ransom, using Elektra as bait

The money that blew him up was the same as the ransom amount for his daughter and apparently that’s enough to make it the same person

RENARD the anarchist, been to all the dodgy places is the prime suspect

009 shot Renard in the head, but he’s good

The bullet is killing off his senses oneby one but he don’t feel pain

It will kill him but he’ll grow stronger every day he’s alive, rad

Elektra is the only one of Renard’s enemies left alive, uh oh

M sees that the doc has cleared Bond, apparently in his notes it says he has ‘exceptional stamini’ SEX JOKE, we’re only twenty five minutes in and there’s been so many

Moneypenny adds, ‘I’m sure she was touched by his dedication’ are they slut shaming her?

Moneypenny then looks the doctor dead in the eye, like walks up to her and says ‘to the job in hand’ HA

Oh the nurse is off I feel bad now

Elektra is in charge of the pipeline now, so Bond is gonna go look after her, make sure Renard don’t get her, M calls it a shadow operation saying that shadows stay in front or behind, never on top, WE GET IT, HE LIKES SEX

We’re in Azerbaijan

Never been, looks a bit bare lark, not selling it to me

Tonne of oil though

He is driving a silver convertible through this wasteland, YOU ARE A SECRET AGENT

There is a buzzsaw hanging off a helicopter, chopping a few leaves

Bond meets Elektra’s head of security who wants him to leave but then comes round to him pretty fast

I think locals are protesting the oil spot

Or they like it, I can’t tell

A priest is pleading with Elektra, who steps off her helicopter

Oh, they don’t want a church being taken down for oil

Omid Djalili says it’ll take longer to get around the church

Elektra meets Bond and it’s all ‘Bond, James Bond’ classic

The pipeline is really quite important, it’s all about communists and bloodshed and stuff

Elektra gets personal, Bond makes it professional, chink in the armour there

The Russians want her stopped

There’s an insider

Elektra don’t trust MI6 cos they let her down twice

Bond’s always wanted to check the survey lines to stick around with Elektra but he needs to ski

They’re in some snow or at least in a chopper above the snow

They can’t land, so Elektra just chucks herself out and skis down, Bond sees it and can’t be upstaged, so follows on

So they’re skiing down, but now they’re laughing and smiling like it’s a date, I thought this WAS A JOB, JAMES

Hold up, black parachutes, must be bad guys

THEY GOT GUNS, SHITS

Off we go

One dude just hossed a grenade

Miss

They’re on parachuted snowmobiles, shit

Bond takes em into the trees and one dude glides right into one, didn’t even try, BOOM he dead

There are suddenly a lot of explosions and I’m not sure why, both parties seem to be dodging them as if someone else did em

Another tree crash, these guys can’t drive

Another dude just plainly flies off the side of a mountain but then deploys another parachute

Bond has to race him down

Oh sweet, so Bond jumped onto the parachute, pulling a sick trick first, cutting his parachute and sending him hurtling into the other snowmobile, but the explosion caused an avalanche, so Q’s jacket comes in handy as they submerge themselves in a ball

Elektra freaks but Bond’s all calm and gets ’em oot

Nice one surveying the pipelines guys

Baku

Elektra’s recovering but wants to see Jimmy

Elektra wants to know who’s trying to kill her, Jimmy pretends not to know

Oooo, Elektra wants JB to stick about with her

She don’t wanna be safe she says as if she’s gonna say something else, but says nothing

Casino time

Bond might have a problem, I reckon there’s gambling in every film

His flashy specs are x-ray-ish ones so he can see people carrying guns or wearing lingerie

He’s just perving around this casino, come on

Everyone’s got a piece though

VODKA MARTINI SHAKEN NOT STIRRED

He wants to see Valentin Zukovsky, but this big lad ain’t avin it so he chokes him out

Instead Goldie lets him in

Bond makes Valentin kick his hookers out so they can chat

GOLDIE has a gold grill so Bond says that he can ‘see you put your money where your mouth is’

Valentin owns the casino and makes his own caviar

Valentin fills in Bond on the history of Renard but we don’t need to hear most of it apparently

Elektra’s in the casino

Her bodyguards are shit, Bond just saddled right up to her

Private table — Elektra bets a million quid on a game of highest card, what

Queen is pretty high

Ace is higher, Valentin wins

Bond looks pissed, silly woman he thinks

Elektra’s head of security has gone to a forest that is on fire called the devil’s breath

Renard emerges from natural flames that never die

Renard holds a hot rock like a hard nut

Renard ain’t happy with the head of security who is obvs working for him, so he makes him hold a hot rock then shoots the dude who’s with him

Renard seems threatening and has a lot of mates then

Oop Elektra and James are in bed together

Not even a build up now, just meet, wink and feck

Elektra eats some ice and Bond kisses her

Cut to later, things have fallen over, orgasms have been achieved

Elektra uses her body to survive, sad, Bond takes pleasure in great beauty, what?

Wait, now Bond’s trying to break in somewhere

He’s got a card that’s a key, not a keycard, a card that turns into a key

Evil head of security is back though

Bond gets out and hides behind HOS car, looks in his boot, finds dead bod

HOS is taking a selfie so Bond slips in his car as he drives off

HOS drives to an airbase, unfurls the dead bod in his boot, surpreeez, it’s JB, shoots him silly, dumps him in a skip

Bond pretends he’s HOS, says that the original one is bured with work, classy, and not a great Russian accent, or Azerbaijani accent

There were some trainers in a bag and that got Bond on board the plane, they haven’t clicked

He makes a makeshift idea and changes into some oil clothes

We’re at this base

All chemically and bomby by the looks of things

Bond and his new friends arrive

Bond and his new friends find the chemical engineer hot

Dr. Christmas Jones is her name

She’s not into men, unless men are bombs apparently

She tries to catch him out with some Russian, but he knows a bit as well

I liked her, she was nice, they had good rapport, even though Bond is lying about his identity

He’s in an underground tunnel with a load of flammable looking barrels

Oh wait, that’s Renard, Bond’s got him

Renard was the sniper and Bond has done everything for him, scheisse

I don’t think Bond knows what’s going on here, Renard is quite clued in comparatively

Renard ‘broke Elektra in’ for Bond, ick

Renard says something that Elektra said before, wait

Guards are in, Bond’s a bit surrounded, he did not think this through

The army colonel pulls rank and Renard don’t like it, SHOOT OUT

Bond takes Christmas and hides, cos who else was he gonna grab

Wait, Bond’s got a watch that is a grappling hook

It did not look strong enough to hold him, but he dive rolls into gunfire, more SHOOTOUT

Renard gets shot and is all ‘whatever’ but gets pissy when other people get shot and feel pain, what an anus

Christmas is up to something…

Renard looks to be away with the bomb as he leaves on a menacing elevator that sets off a bomb as it goes up

Bond takes entirely too long to react, but slides down the hallway on a chain thing to escape the explosion, with Christmas opening and sealing the door at the other side, rad

Renard drives off, shooting everyone

Bond and Christmas elevate to safety from the fire

Kinda jetpack up and away which sounds cooler than what it was

So much

They can’t track the bomb that Renard took cos the memory card or whatever was removed

MI6 try to narrow down where Renard could be, and it’s Asia, somewhere in Asia

Elektra might be evil

Lot of banging outside her door

It’s James, no worries

He’s killed a guard

Oh no, he’s good

James is accusing Elektra cos Renard said her phrase and knew about Jimmy’s shoulder, says she’s got Stockholm Syndrome, Bond mansplains it to her

Oh, but know she knows that Jimmy knew Renard was after her

Elektra has a lovely accent

Renard’s killed a few folk, off they go

M’s in town

Christ, is Brosnan massive or is Dench 4 foot nowt?

Woah, Bond is accusing Elektra of attacking her own pipeline and killing her own dad

Troubles in the pipe

Renard’s put the bomb in the pipeline

There’s two women for Bond to shag now, he must be having a great day, comparatively

And now he’s going into another hole, the pipeline, but he needs Christmas with him to defuse the bomby

Ooo, there’s a handy pipeline bus

Christmas keeps bragging about how smart she is and it makes me think she’s not smart

They are moving through this pipe

Aww, M likes James

Elektra looks shifty

So James told Christmas to go at 80mph through this tunnel and now she has to defuse a bomb at that speed

NOW HE WANTS IT TO BLOW UP

BOND’S TURNED

It blew but they jumped

It wasn’t a nuclear bomb cos some of the plutonium had been taken out

Elektra’s like ‘sorry that Bond’s dead, but here’s a gift’

AHH, ELEKTRA KNOWS WHAT M DID, ELEKTRA’S BAD, EVERYONE’S DEAD, she lectures M

M SLAPPED HER GA ON LASS

M’s been taken hostage

Bond and Christmas survive duh

Christmas is too feckin sassy after she nearly died, actually it probably gives her more right

Renard has some plutonium and that ain’t good but then Christmas says that if she doesn’t get it back ‘someone’s gonna have my ass’, which is a hilariously vague phrase on it’s own, but Bond just gives her a look and says ‘first thing’s first’ SEX JOKE, Christmas is all like ‘James, ya cheeky monkey’

James says his relationship with Elektra is ‘strictly plutonic’ I guess they don’t have much CHEMISTRY

Bond asks Christmas what she’s doing in Kazakhstan and she says that she’s ‘avoiding those kinds of questions’ but she would only hear that question IN KAZAKHSTAN

Bond is hungry and wants caviar so he goes to Turkey

Renard and Elektra are reunited! Awww

As a gift, Renard gives Elektra a lil bomb

In return, Elektra gives Renard M

Renard gives M a timescale of death

Renard and Lekky are getting down to it but Lekky just takes the piss that he can’t feel owt, he can feel that burn though

Renard’s jealous of Bond so puts his hand through some glass

Ouch, but not for him

Errrrrr glass in his hand

Elektra loves gittin jiggy with some ice

M’s got a stick and she wants to steal a clock but she knocks it over, fool

Bond’s visits a caviar plant(?) factory (?) owned by Valentin

Goldie spies Bond’s not so subtle car, tells Elektra

Valentin goes into his caviar office and sees Christmas looking fly, obviously a trap, Bond’s got him, who just lets his hostage go hoping he won’t tell anyone

Bond interrogates Valentin, but he doesn’t know about the bombs or owt

The helicopter with the razor blades is back, oh no

Bond abandons everyone and makes a run for it to his car, coward

This helcopter is slow, as helicopters go

Wait, the car is remote control

He’s in and he’s got toys

Blows up the heli which blows up everything ese, but there’s TWO RAZOR HELICOPTERS NOW, the other one strikes, chasing Bond up the boardwalk

So we’re just assuming Bond can outrun a helicopter

Valentin and Christmas also casually walk away from the razors

The Bond music makes this pretty rad

I dunno what Valentin was looking at but he was posing when he got shot at

Valentin reverses into some water, ONE JOB, ZUKOVSKY

Oh, he’s fine

Bond fogs up the helicopters windows which makes it explode and send razors everywhere, sending Valentin into his caviar

Bond says that it’s a shame he don’t have no champagne, but Christmas wants sour cream? With caviar? What

Goldie is the most obvious upcoming double cross ever, but maybe that’s cos they’ve told me

Renard is using his binoculars to apparently look underwater, end of scene

Valentin, Bond, Christmas and Goldie are at a base discovering that Renard wants to blow up a submarine which would extrapolate the explosion and destroy Istanbul and all their pipelines, making Elektra’s pipeline the used one

Renard brings the sub’s captain some brandy, maybe he’s turning over a new leaf

Woah, Elektra picks up the clock and gives it M who really wants it because……………….. Ah, she can plug in the tracker of the bomb and get located, nice one

Goldie ran way and left the briefcase WHICH WAS A BOMB, Valentin’s dead, Bond and Christmas escape but run into Renard’s goons

Also, I think Goldie’s name might be Mr. Bullion

The brandy was poison, Renard is not turning over a new leaf, he has control of the sub

Bond and Christmas are hostage now

Aww, Renard and Elektra say goodbye, so much commitment

Elektra sends Christmas to Renard but keeps James about

Elektra says that she could have given Jimmy the world but he don’t reckon that’s enough, EH

Wait, then James said that ‘The world is not enough’ is a family motto, are Bond film titles all Bond family mottos, because ‘Goldfinger’ isn’t much of a motto

Elektra unveils a torture chair that she found, literally unveils, she had a blanket over it

OH NO, minging, it pushes a rod into the back of his neck, proper ming

WAIT, it ain’t Stockholm Syndrome, she’s in charge, SHIT

SHE CHOPPED A BIT OF HER OWN EAR OFF OR SOME SHIT

This is all just hammy enough

James is gonna feckin die

HA, cos Elektra has to turn a screw to push the thing into Bond’s neck, he sez it’s like they’re having one last screw, if you’re gonna go out James, go out with a SEX JOKE

GUNSHOTS

I don’t know who this is

IT’S VALENTIN

He is pissed

Shooting everyone

Oh Goldie

Bang bang you’re dead mate

The sub driver was a good mate of Valentin’s, so he’s more pissed

Elektra shoots him

HE’S STILL ALIVE

HIS WALKING STICK’S A GUN

HE TURNS IT TO JAMES

HE SHOOTS HIS CUFF OFF

He’s dead

Ooo, Lektra hasn’t seen

The cuff, not dead Valentin

He’s loose, dead guards follow

Elektra runs, Bond pursues

She’s fair swift, lark

Bond stops to save M

Elektra just stood next to her bed, thinking it would save her I imagine

Bond gives her the chance to call Renard off

Ooo

Will she

No

She toys with Bond, telling him that he couldn’t shoot her, that he’d miss her too much, but he does feckin shoot her cos, bang, he never misses, AWWWWWW YIH

Bond gets on the balcony and dives next to the sub

Good form

He manages to get in just before it’s submerged

A guy was lighting a ciggy in a sub, is that allowed?

Bond finds Christmas

Renard’s neon plan is happening though

He’s a bit genuinely threatening is Renard, cos you can’t hurt him and all

Bond deals with all the bad guys who ain’t Renard by telling them to leave

He did have a gun though, so quite convincing

DON’T SHOOT IN A SUB, that’s worse than smoking

The sub is tipping so everyone’s sliding

Renard is climbing

Christmas is holding on

A goon falls and hit the accelarator

Ooo, there’s a lot of crunching henchmen

FLOOD

Renard drops his gun

He’s got hissel upright though

He’s opened the reactor and locked himself in

Bond’s had to go outside to get in to the reactor, puttin a lot of trust in Christmas there

Outside as in underwater

SUGAR, MORE FLOOD, HOLD ON CHRISTMAS

AHHH

HE’S IN

HIT IT CHRISTMAS

HIT IT

SHE GOT IT

Oh thank the lord

Or thank Christmas

Bond’s with Renard, dropping in on him from above

FIGHT

Christmas is stuck in a flooding bit, Bond gets her in

For someone who doesn’t hurt, Renard was down for a while

He hits James with some nuclear shit and says ‘welcome to my nuclear family’, weak pun comparatively

James tells Renard that Elektra is dead, he angry

Locks him behind something so he can finish his bomb

The last piece is going in

Oh, a pressure pipe burst and Bond’s got it

What’s the plan, JB

AH, IT’S IN

Wait

‘She’s waiting for you’

Bond launches the nuclear rod back out and into Renard’s gut, I think he’s dead this time

Too much hydrogen, another bomb now, Christmas needs to defuse

Ha, they launched themselves out the torpedo bit, nice

Safety

Once again, they were picked up by a boatload of tourists

M is looking out for word, but of course, Bond is now tuxed up having a drink with Christmas

Bond says that he’s always wanted to have Christmas in Turkey, that’s a good one, if a bit of a stretch

Christmas tells James that it’s time he unwrapped his present

M’s got a heat map on James, it’s picked up James’ orange heatspot, looks like there’s only one person and the heatspot’s gettin redder, Christmas’ leg comes out from underneath, SEX

Bond finishes the entire film, THE WHOLE FILM with ‘I thought Christmas only came once a year’ BOOM

FIN

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Keep it streets ahead,

CLR